last night I went out with some friends, had a great time but then I did something stupid: I ordered a “cafe suada” and this one was an extra large. I don’t really drink coffee and it was about 9pm. Needless to say that when it was time for bed I had a hard time keeping my heart from pounding in my ears so I did the next stupid thing which is to take 2 allergy medicine because it usually puts me to sleep well I took the wrong dose. I was suppose to take 1 every 12 hours…I took 2 at once. I thought I was going to die. It’s 11pm the next day and I’m now starting to come out of my coma.
I went downtown St. Louis a couple of days ago and I was shocked…It looks just like a real city. It was great I met some nice people. I rode my bike everywhere.
–“A group of tourists sits in a bus that is passing throught gorgeously beautiful country; lakes and mountains and green fields and rivers. But the shades of the bus are pulled down. They do not have the slightest idea of what lies beyond the windows of the bus. And all the time of their journey is spent in squabbling over who will have the seat of honor in the bus, who will be applauded, who will be well considered. And so they remain till the journey’s end.”–
Anthony de Mello “The Way To Love”.
How I wish I could be like a leaf on the river, floating, twirling down the stream. Carefree and careless I would be if I were that little leaf. There’s no need to speed or to slowdown, there just isn’t a need. I would just gently float down and watch the world go by. I would see the cows drinking, the people laughing and crying but I wouldn’t care, I would just keep on floating until I reached the great sea.
So…If you had a choice between staying in prison with everyone or walk the earth free forever alone, which would you pick?
It seems that all our live is spent on tomorrow or some betterment of ourselves. Somehow no matter what we have is just not enough. It seems to create a certain feeling of uneasiness inside, a certain dis-satisfaction and when I have that feeling I cannot enjoy or even see what’s going on around me such as the wind in the tree branches, the birds sharing a tree with squirels on even the deathening silence of it all. Noooooo, I’m too preoccupied with my “career”, my “future”, will you like me, am I good enough, will I be rejected by the group. This happens in high school and throughout our lives. What a hell! My feelings and mental state depending on others. If there is such a thing as hell this would be it.
Now of course the “system” doesn’t want you to think or be outside the box even if they tell you to.
If one person is not affected by the emotional manipulations of the group then he is a threat to this system. It’s like having no buttons to push. Without these buttons they can’t convince you to slave your whole life for a system that promises a beautiful retirement. Oh yeah! give me your prime lives. I don’t buy it! Don’t get me wrong, the system has its place. It’s great to have a system for roads, buildings, electricity, water, etc… anything material. But this is where it stops.
No system has the right to tell me how I should feel or think and especially punish me if I don’t comply….
System, I am done with you.
Only then can you be trully free.
Most relationships, and I don’t mean couples, are thwarted by desire. “what can I get from you or from this encounter”. what can I accomplish. It’s like this Yoga thing that hit our culture. Everyone’s doing yoga and they treat it like somesort of aerobics. These people are doing “power yoga“. They are accomplishing something very important. “Here’s how you do it to get the maximum benefits”, etc… come join our club we have the best facility, the best teachers, etc…
They can’t seem to get out of the race. Everything is about getting somewhere, always better….
I thought yoga was to get out of the race, to chill, quiet the mind and body. That means that I cannot have ANY expectation of outcome other wise I’ll be preoccupied with reaching my goal. How can you relax when you have to get somewhere?
I’ve dropped out of the race. I don’t buy this great retirement or this heaven or nirvana or enlightenment. It’s all a trick! Someone is trying to sell you something. NO ONE can show how to become enlightenment because to “become” means that you’re denying who or what you are right now and in that there conflict and where there is conflict there is no peace or enjoyment.
I was with my ex-girl friend cute young sister and we were about to have sex when her boyfriend knocked on the door and came in. He found us naked on the floor spooning. He then mumbled something as he closed the door and left. I could see him through my closed eyes.
Then J* got up and gave me this huge blue condom, I grabbed it and started laughing because this girl had way over estimated my penis size and as I’m about to convey to her this practical information I see her shoving her arm inside another blue giant condom. She was lubricating this inside of the condom with some kind of oil.
-What are you doing? I asked.
She looked at me with a surprised look and explained that it was for the betterment of sex.
I had to tell her that on the contrary, the inside of the condom should stay dry otherwise the sensation is weird because the penis ends up moving inside it and not creating any friction in the vagina…well you had to be there.
Anyway at this point the Austin the cat jumped on my chest because that’s when I woke up.
Every one is running, rushing, pushing, zooming by with huge Hummers, huge monster cars oblivious to the sky above, the air they breathe or those little people on the street. The quest for more is never ending, somehow whatever they have is not enough. When is it enough? Do we ever “get there”? Or is it just a long journey of wanting and yearning. Who is in charge? Who is in control of what’s important in your life? Is it you or everyone else? Do you believe in heaven with white floating angels playing harp or 90 something virgins waiting for you. Do you believe in tomorrow…. I don’t. My life is here now. I let the Mickey Mouse beliefs in Disney World.
It’s seems like it’s not. I’m not saying that religion is evil but when you look at our world, throughout history, we’ve killed and tortured more people in the name of some God or higher purpose and we’re still doing it!!!