Hopeless love.

I’d like to meet someone who is interested in me; someone who is curious about me.

My first girlfriend who died recently was so. She loved hearing about my life with its ups and downs, and was genuinely excited when I found a mate.

I think I took that for granted, and was often annoyed when she wanted more details when I only answered in brief sentences.

It is possible it was to distract her of the cancer that was slowly killing her. No, not entirely, she was like this even earlier in time.

She stayed radiant like the sun in the face of adversity; at least that’s the side she showed me.

Is there any passion left in the world, or is everyone solely focusing on their ‘path’, ‘truth’, and future? Some of you will think this is good thing; i dont.

In this new world of instant gratification people are discarded as easily as a left-swipe, and have as much space in their heart as in their software bloated cheap phone drives.


So, so much has happened, and it’s all good. 🙂

I finally deleted Facebook again, for the third time. I was slightly pressured by the gallery and my old school to get back on it to promote my art show.

I found out that I don’t think I can relate with much of the new ways of our society anymore. I lost a third of my ‘friends’, not only fb friends but actual people that I know because I posted something I thought was self-evident and also a little funny. It all started when I saw on IG a post on a group yoga, the following: ‘What if I’m a woman, and what if I have my period?’. The moderator replied that she could just wear a tampon or pad. How can you have survived so far without knowing what to when you have your period is beyond me.

So, to be a smarty-pants I posted underneath: Chances are if you have your period, you’re probably a woman. I thought it was funny, so much so that I took a screen-grab and posted it on Fb with the caption ‘I’m an ass, right?’

Well the whole trans and ally community fell upon me, lol. They all attacked me. My fundamental point was that unless you had a uterus you can’t have your periods. It’s biological. I guess I hit such a nerve that they all refused to hear any argument until I would say I was wrong. Someone even told me that with hormones a trans-man can stop their period, to which I said yes but the opposite isn’t possible. No amount of hormones can make a trans-woman have periods.

Anyway it could have been an interesting conversation if we could have talked about gender vs sex vs perception, etc…but that didn’t happen. Many people made a speech-comment how I was a trans-phobic asshole and then deleted me without hearing my answer.

Here is the hypocrisy. One trans-girl posted that if she ever saw me on the street she would beat my face in and hoped that I would die painfully in a burning house. If all my ‘friends’ believed in fairness and justice, wouldn’t they condemn her comments? She threatened me. She later used her three accounts to post on at least 10 of my other post, not related to the argument, that I was a transphobic asshole. Lol.

I asked her to stop threatening me, she continued, so I told her if she didn’t stop I would report her to the police. She called me a boot-licker. Hahaha.

I realize now, sadly, that it is no longer about logic, discussions, or thinking. It’s about teams and sides. Your team is right, the other is wrong…always.

I am not interesting in being part of this kind of society.

So I withdrew from Fb. I was going to delete IG as well but IG is more about photos so I kept it…so far. 🙂

Life is beautiful in its simplicity. My veggie garden is growing all the time. I commune with nature all the time. It is my truth, my connection with the source. It is what’s real for me.

I am not fighting any one person, system, government, or ideology. I have started however a revolution by turning away from those, and that which doesn’t feed my soul in a deep way. It is my guide. I don’t know where this path leads, but not knowing is half the fun. 🙂

I will keep doing art, and post more work here soon.

Thanks for playing. 🙂

Back to Goa, and Delhi (2018)

So we are going back to Goa for some Ayurvedic treatments and Delhi for some shopping. I will try to post everyday here, depending on a Wifi signal.

This was last year (2017) in Mandrem Goa on the rooftop of the hotel.

So I obviously didn’t post everyday. I took the opportunity to completely chill and let go of all this non sense; unplug if you will.

We ate on the other roof top this time and I liked it better. The cement rooftop floor was covered with natural woven mats that felt like silk when I walked barefoot on it. There was always this fresh breeze flowing, especially in the early mornings. I would go there before most of the group was awake.

Once, when I was sitting up there, I heard an unusual sound. I turned around and there was this beautiful big bright yellow and black bird. He flew away as soon as I turned around. His or her call was very distinct and several days after I would mimic the call and the bird would show up. Generally it would take about five minutes. This bird was so fascinated by me and I of him. He would fly all around the building as I kept calling him. The second day, he brought a companion with the same colors. This one kept his distance. I wondered what he had said to his companion. Dude, you’ll never believe this! I saw this giant walking bird on the roof and he sounds just like us! Come and see!


I love not wearing shoes.


I don’t like wearing pants either. I just wore a Sarong everyday and I kept wearing one even when I came back to the U.S. The midwest, St. Louis, isn’t used seeing a man in a ‘skirt’. I no longer care what they think but I do forget, until I see the look on their faces, that I’m doing something that seems unusual for them. Although…I have been getting some interesting looks from the girls. lol.


I spent most of my time upstairs. My Ayurvedic treatments were at 8am so I’d have the rest of the day to get lost in my head.


It was the beginning of the Monsoon season and it would rain once in the while. I love the rain. Look how the plants are happy. I feel the rain washes all away and calms the energies down. At least it does for me.


Amanda and Lane having a thumbwar? whatever you call that while getting their dead feet skin eaten by hundreds of fish. This was in Baga. We also went to Calengute. I ate some of the best Momos there and bought some jewelry from Tibetans.


It was such a great trip but I don’t know if we will go back to Goa next year. I have been playing around with going North to Dharamsala. We shall see.


N a m a s t e

Thank you for reading.

Loss & pain

I was hesitant to share this. I guess because it still is difficult to look at his photo. My little baby cat Rama died. He was hit by a car, I guess. Someone found him in the alley behind the building. They wrapped him in some paper and left him in the communal garden.

My friend came knocking, crying, asking when was the last time I had seen Rama. My blood turned cold as I realized what might be happening. I followed her to find Rama, wrapped, dead. His eyes were empty, void, and had a little blood that came out of his nose.

I couldn’t believe my little baby was dead, in front of me, wrapped in some generic paper. In a sense it was like a gift, an early Christmas gift. The message was clear. Enjoy life while  you can. The problem is that we think we have time. We don’t.

I asked my friend what could I do with his body. She said I could bury him in the garden. We dug up a deep hole. I went back to my apartment to get my favorite sarong from India. It is orange with lots of mantras written on it. One of them is ‘Hare Rama’. I wrapped his body in it, placed him in the hole, and covered it up.

Later on that night I grabbed a large handful of incense, my Mala, and went back to the garden. I lit all of them at once. The smoke filled the whole area. I laid the Mala on top and left.

It is strange to be home without him. I have two other cats, Raja and Ganesh.

I know it’s difficult for others to empathize with another’s loss or pain, but Rama was my friend, family, and he will be missed.

I love you and miss you, Rama. 🙂


So I won something

I entered an art show in Saint Louis. I don’t know why I did it. Maybe it was to just test to see what is out there. Anyway my stuff won best in show. Yay! This means I have a $100 gift card to Artmart, a local art supply place.

I have to remove my work tonight. I have no idea what I could buy at Artmart. First of all everything is so expensive and then…actually I have been wanting to paint again. Maybe I’ll get some good paints and a board. I like to paint on hard surfaces now. I’m thinking of using my digital work as ‘sketches’ or maquettes for actual physical paintings.



I’m from the island of Guadeloupe in the French West Indies. We are a mixed race with a dominant black features with undertones of Eastern Indians, Europeans and Chinese. There is a tree there, well actually there are plenty of trees, that is called breadfruit tree. I love the leaves of the tree. I chose these two symbols to represent my home.

Please support me here and pledge $4 a month. Every little bit helps.

Thank you.


Weird day, weird life.

I have thought about ending life many times but lately the feeling is getting stronger. I just don’t see the purpose of all of this crap. We is absolutely no point to this existence. Greed has made man a demon and he is destroying everything that is worth a damn. Everyone is nicely settled in their own bubble.

Usually I think of doing art when I feel like this. Even that didn’t bring me any sense of purpose or fulfillment. I guess we just wake up, do some stuff and then go to sleep.

Most people in this country are blind to what the filthy rich are doing in their name around the world and domestically as well…or maybe they just don’t care. I don’t know. It makes me think of the movie The Matrix. They are plugged into this matrix that tells them what to see, think, feel. Americans have been brainwashed. It is sad because their are many great people here.

It is possible the food plays a great part. I don’t know.

Oh well, that’s all folks.


I have set up three Patreon accounts.

I need this to survive. Thank you for your support.

I tried doing some portraits with images from the net. I’ll probably get sued, lol. It was challenging and I enjoyed it.



I have set up three Patreon accounts. I need this to survive. Thank you for your support.

This was my first attempt with black and white on the Ipad Pro. I was playing with different values.


Black and white

I have set up three Patreon accounts. I need this to survive. Thank you for your support.

This is probably one of my favorite piece I did. I use #procreate and draw/paint on my #ipadpro 12.9 inch. I love it. I am still trying to play with brushes to get the exact texture.

One of my fav. Prints available for 40 cents a square inch.

New work

So I went on a rant on Facebook and then I deactivated it…again. lol

I have friends that are millionaires, some that have two, three cars and big houses. I have been asking everyone, anyone to help me with just $1 a month, preferably $5 and all I received was deafening silence. Some of those folks have $100000 set up for their monthly budget!

I have set up three Patreon accounts. I need this to survive.

I have hundreds of thousand of visitor and not one has decided to support me as an artist. I find that astonishing.

Whatever. Everyone is free to do as they please or as they are conditioned.

Here is what I have been up to:

Digital art drawn on Ipad Pro
Digital art drawn on Ipad Pro

New work

I have started three Patreon sites.

I would greatly appreciate your support with $4 a month for exclusive content.

Regular work: http://www.patreon.com/jeanjoel

Erotic work: http://www.patreon.com/erotic_art

Sexy henna: http://www.patreon.com/erotic_henna

Here is a sample of my work.

Prints of any size are available starting as $20.